Double feature Sunday! After eating and drinking myself silly for all of Thursday and Friday and not being able to lounge out in front of a movie, I was pining for the big screen, luckily for me it was two movies for the price of one day at the theater (this deal does not actually exist btw…) I treated myself to the Breaking Dawn and The Muppets:
Breaking Dawn Part 1:
I read all the books, so I’m pretty obligated now to see all the movies and get all judgey on their ass. The Twilight series has been building sexual tension between Edward and Bella for three books and three movies. In typical lame religious fashion the two have been waiting to do it until marriage and in even lamer fashion, author Stephanie Meyer gave us a super lame sex scene in the book which resulted in a totally fucking lame sex scene in the movie. For all you male boob hounds out there, I will say this, I totally caught sight of an editing error involving Kristen Stewart’s nipple (ladies you can use this information to get him to come to the movie with you!).The whole movie was pretty uneventful mostly because the first part of the book is uneventful. Edward and Bella go on their honeymoon, they do romantic stuff, Bella looks pained to do typically girl stuff and Edward gets all butt hurt that he had “rough sex” with Bella that results in a demon baby that ends up turning Bella into what looks like, well super effen gross and malnourished (great job FX department!). Apparently the birth scene is giving epileptic audience members seizures due to flashing red and black and white lights (great job demon baby!). Over all, the movie was what I expected, a lot of brooding eyebrows and one cray cray wolf fight that involved voice over, “I’m Alpha male! Don’t betray the pack!” The second part of Breaking Dawn due out next year in November will be much more eventful bringing back our pals the Volturi and even more Wolf v. Vampire fun. Hopefully…
The Muppets:
Oh how I have missed thee! I love the Muppets, always have, always will. Around Christmas time when people are watching A Christmas Story for the 100th time I will be singing along to A Muppet Christmas Carol which is the bees knees. If you have not seen it you better hop on Netflix or go support your local video store and rent it. The newest installment in Muppetdom is Jason Segal’s love baby, The Muppets. Co-written and starring Segal , is the story of a Muppet named Walter who loves the Muppets so much, he can’t bear to have an evil oil tycoon take over the Muppets theater (the one where they did the Muppet Show of days past) and implores Kermit to get the gang back together. Antics ensue but not in an over the top spastic ADD way which is what I see whenever I stumble across a new cartoon on cable. The antics are genuine and come at the right moments. The celebrity cameos where okay, I was looking for maybe some more big names to kind of give it that “hey look who it is!” factor but toward the end all I could think was “Selena Gomez? Really?” Chris Cooper’s villain was comic book evil which I know is what they were probably shooting for and I loved Jack Black’s part mostly because it added to that lunatic feeling one gets before performing a live show. You know you have hit it big time when you have a tribute band and the Muppets get “The Moopets,” a hilarious group of imposters that consist of what I can only assume is a transvestite pig as Miss Piggy, an Eminem type as Fozzie and Dave Grohl as Animal. It’s rad. To my surprise the children in the theater were calm and focused on the movie, an unheard of thing in a movie theater these days but it just goes to show you that nothing keeps you entertained quite like the Muppets.
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