I, like the many many people of Portland, don’t really feel like cooking breakfast the day after I stayed up too lake making bad decisions on behalf of my liver and making people cringe at my forgettable karaoke version of Hall and Oates “Private Eyes” (which in finally out of my head now thanks to my horrific rendition…nothing says never again like public embarrassment).
However, UNLIKE the many many people of Portland I don’t feel like waiting in a line longer than the one at Space Mountain at Disney Land just so I can have an equally hung over waiter check in with my table once, and have that douche at the table situated WAY TOO CLOSE to mine talk as loudly as he can about the bullshit c minus he got on his Buddhist art class term paper. Yes I know Screen Door has awesome southern inspired food that includes candied bacon and that Pine State has a fried chicken biscuit creation that is makes your mouth water (The Reggie), or that Cricket Café has a mean Monte Cristo…when I am hungry which is usually first thing in the morning, the last thing I want to do is prolong the experience of sipping a bad ass bloody mary and shoveling butter saturated eggs and glistening maple bacon into my mouth. That is why I am naming my new favorite brunch place, Sckavones.
Sckavones is used to be an old soda shop back in the day and evidence of the buildings history as well as the city of Portland are all hanging on the walls in the form of black and white photographs. The space feels nostalgic and the best part is there is never a wait, at least when I have gone at prime time brunch time, 10-11. While there are tables set out in the open, the majority of the seating is spacious booths nestled against two walls. The menu is not overwhelming, which is great because who doesn’t have a hard time picking out breakfast when your mouth still tastes like last night’s nightcap? Their omelets are packed with the ingredients advertised, their eggs benedicts is delightful and the bloody mary? Completely up to par with my high standards, plus there is even a BM bar where you can shove the whole garden in your pint glass if it pleases you. Another thing I enjoy about this brunch place is they have a bevy of games to play while you wait at the table eating your complementary mini scones. I personally like to practice my Jeopardy skills, the game is so old the picture of Alex Trebek still has him sporting his mustache and “S&P” feathered hair. Your table is checked on frequently and the waitresses don’t treat you like you just murdered their cat with your gas guzzling Prius. The food is not OMG to die for, but seriously people it really just comes down to some bacon, eggs, potatoes and cheese, and this place does not fuck those breakfast staples up. There are even willing to make substitutions. When I noticed Gruyere on one item I got that shit subbed in for boring ol’ chedder, no tude, no questions asked, the waitress even came by to make sure my omelet had gruyere in it! Amazing!
So next time you wake up and you realize you would rather chew glass then life a finger to cook, go support a sweet ass joint that does not make you wait out in the cold and drink decaf because that is the only thing left in their pity coffee airpots.
Sckavones- 4100 SE Division St.
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