I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost

I must say it had been awhile since I have written a rant about the habits of the human male (10 years to be exact , VHS one acts 4 eva!). Since that time I have expanded my knowledge of the human male and though I have formed many  unfavorable opinions, *cough telephone etiquette cough* I have also formed many wonderful friendships and in doing so have come to a better understanding of (sometimes) what is going on in the male brain.  However, despite my many revelations there is ONE thing I will NEVER understand and it will continue to baffle me and I’m sure many other females for centuries to come.

The Poltergeist Effect : Inability to shut cabinet doors and/or push in drawers.

It does not matter what room, though I suspect the kitchen is the most frequented place of this offense, nor does it matter what environment, a man will open something up and instantly forget that he has opened it as soon as he averts his eyes elsewhere.  I will walk into room after (insert male figure here; dad, bf, roommate) has cooked something, only to find what appears to be a “Haunting in Portland.”

Cabinet doors are thrown open, drawers are barely hanging on…As I wonder into the kitchen wondering if the stove is going to explode from being left on too long, I hit my shin on the dishwasher door which has been lowered. I fall forward but catch myself, narrowly escaping stabbing myself on a knife poking out from the silverware rack in the upward direction. “Hello is…is..anybody there?” I ask worried. I start to worry whether or not I need to order an exorcism before the evidence surfaces, empty pizza boxes, a dirty pizza cutter and beer cans sitting right next to the trash can but not actually in it, it all makes sense now. I turn off the oven off and the running water in the sink, “Phew thank god I don’t need to call that priest!”

This effect carries over to the bathroom, with the most notable offence ever, the up toilet seat which most of the time I don’t mind unless there is pee on the floor (yes I know it’s SO hard to pee with morning wood, NEWSFLASH its harder to have crime scene in your pants once a month so try a little harder to aim boys).  

“Where are the car keys?” Asks male.

“Did you check the open refrigerator?” Responds female.

“Have you seen my socks?”

“Did you look in the open microwave?”

 Ah men…