Twice is Plenty

Well, it’s safe to say I was extremely unproductive this weekend mostly due to a little thing called, “day-drinking.” On the surface day drinking is awesome. Your beverage selection is tip top, Bloody Marys, Mimosa, Greyhounds, Various coffee/liquor concoctions. Day drinking says, “What? It’s the weekend, I do what I want sucka!” Those familiar with day drinking are also very familiar with the pre-mature hang-over. You get home, grab a bottle of water, and flop on the couch mumble something along the lines of “I feel like shit.” You look over at the clock and its 4pm. “What the? Four?”

This Saturday I went to The Farm House on 82^nd. Twice. Once for Brunch and once for Linner (please don’t mistake the frequency with as strong like for the food fare and environment). This was due to day filled with kickball spectatorship of which heckling would be necessary and Mimosas and Blight (Bud-Light) a steady accomplice. The Farm House is great for Brunch if you don’t want to wait in one of Portland’s re-fucking-diculous brunch lines. It’s got greasy good, stiff drinks and lots of other interesting  supporting characters playing video poker (by themselves), pool (by themselves) and/or an unnecessarily large version of some golf game(by themselves). There is a giant ceramic Jack Daniels statue by the fireplace that I once mistook for Teddy Roosevelt. Maybe they are brothers from another mother….

Brunch was standard fare of one biscuit (ahem, DINNER ROLL) and gravy with eggs and bacon. I was outraged to not receive my favorite morning beverage (Bloody Mary) in a pint glass but in one of those lame ass bucket glasses of which my waitress assured me was “almost the same amount of liquid.” I smiled and nodded but seriously…message to all bars in Portland...BLOODY MARY IN BUCKET GLASS= TOTAL, UTTER BULLSHIT TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE. Don’t act like it will get you in trouble either, if 90% of bars are doing it, it probably won’t get you in trouble though I think the Farm House’s main concern is giving up to much of the precious Monarch Vodka (gross).

After yelling at my friends all day and watching drunken kickball antics ensue it was back to the Farm House for more (and my car). This time around I treated my kidneys to the saltiest damn French dip sliders ever. When I got home I think I drank coconut water, vitamin water and two bottles of regular water and I was still thirsty. At least my hang over had passed on by 8pm and I was able to watch half of SNL. Thanks Saturday.