First off, you are super hot, like, you are my girl crush. Your smile is all enchanting n’ shit and you pretty much get away with any hair color. Blonde? Nailing it! Redhead? Hottie! Brunette? Mysterious!
On top of having a banging body you have pretty much played opposite every bone-able stud in Hollywood, in particular in films where they are all swooning over you (your character, whatever) and would pretty much eat shit if it meant being able to be with you.
Case in Point!
The Notebook: If you don’t even like this movie a little bit I’m sure your heart is made of a wad of poisonous snakes that when ripped out of your cold chest fall to the ground and disintegrate into a pile of black flame. Ryan “I’m so hot I turn homophobes gay” Gosling rebuilds a decrypted mansion for Rachel because they almost effed in their once in hopes of beckoning her back into his sexy man arms. Oh ! Did I mention he writes her a letter EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR A WHOLE YEAR? Seriously Nicholas Sparks, I don’t know what planet you are from but if you could please direct me to the galaxy where men actually do shit like that, I would like to take a film crew there to bring back proof to earth. Rachel’s only obstacle in this movie is dealing with her mean rich as fuck parents, a small hurdle if you ask me. Why you gotta make Ryan work for it Rachel!?
The Time Traveller’s Wife: Unlike Nicholas “I got single bitches eatin’ out of the palm of my hand” Sparks, this book was written by a women, Audrey Niffennegger (she is actually a great writer and this book is the shit). HOWEVER, once again Rachel and her cute little red ringlets suck in another unsuspected beef cake in the form of Eric Bana who, wait for it, TRAVELS THROUGH TIME AND SPACE TO BE WITH HER! I have had a hard enough time getting the ex-boyfriend to go to a fucking party with me let alone, oh I don’t know, bend the space time continuum. Sure Rachel is faced with the prospect of having her huzzy disappear at unknown times, but once again, small hurdle! Damn you Rachel!
The Vow: Yes, I watched this last night, and yes this is why I am writing this longish diatribe/rant about Rachel McAdams. In this movie poor Rachel gets a head injury and loses her memory and can’t remember that she is married to Channing “Sensitive as Shit” Tatum. If I woke up from a coma and Channing Tatum was standing over me all “We are married yo!” I would be like “Sweet fuckin’ job me!” not as Rachel in the movie acted, all disgusted and whiny. Because Rachel is a heartless harpy, she pretty much puts Tatum through the task of making her fall in love with him again. This guys wants Rachel so bad he is gonna go through that whole courting bullshit not once, but twice!!! Maybe next time you should wear a seatbelt Rachel before you put another man through your hellish love game!
I need to go watch something were things explode and heads get chopped off with machetes now.
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