Best Supporting Actor/Actress in a Cartoon Goes To…

We all know every year for Halloween kids want to dress up as Buzz Lightyear or Woody and that on Valentines day they cannot wait to give out Princess Jasmine and Sleeping Beauty Valentines. But what about the sidekicks? What about that the unsung heros of some of the best cartoon movies of years past, present and future? They deserve some credit and since it is technically awards seasaon I thought I would give a shout out to some for the most entertaining “lesser beloved” characters of the pixilated and drawn world.


Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast
Ah yes, the smarmy, French, horney, and phallic looking candlestick that oohed and awed us through “Be Our Guest.” Disney the king of anthropomorphisising objects and whatever the fuck they feel like needs to talk really hit the needle on the head in this film which I’m pretty sure is enjoying a crappy 3D revival so Disney can keep up with Walt’s spendy cryogenic freezing bills. Lumiere a former servant turned waxy wick nonchalantly shuts up his overbearing buddy Clocksworth and tries to get up the skirt of the featherduster.  Yet another fine example of Disney inadvertently bringing a cock reference into the picture. Lumiere you can be my guest any day.


Big Baby from Toy Story 3
The quiet giant. Big Baby was “the thug,” “the muscle,” the goon set to do Lotso’s bidding while silently crying on the inside, mostly because its blinky eye did not work anymore. A fairly minor character in this gem of a movie, Big Baby was the strong, silent type, unable to talk because well, its (she) a baby. Big Baby is pretty much shat on the whole movie, forced to room the halls of the worlds seediest day care without clothes, legs covered in magic marker, ridden with sadness over past events but in the end Big Baby throws the gauntlet down and pretty much says, “fuck you bear! I aint doing shit for your pink, fluffy mean ass ever again!” It was totally empowering and while I know the main messages of Toy Story 3 were like friendship, and letting go and blah blah blah…I think Big Baby’s message was great..throw your boss in the dumpster.


Heimlich from A Bug’s Life
It was a close toss up between Heimlich the obese catipillar, and Francis the ladybug voiced brilliantly by Dennis Leary but in the end I could not resist the cartoon equivilant to Augustus Gloop. Heimlich is a overweight, GERMAN and completely oblivious to the impending doom around him. I can’t really pick out any great instances right now (it has been a while since I watched this one) but in the end he turns into a butterfly and claps like an idiot and its totally precious.


Scuttle from The Little Mermaid
The only seagull not to gross me out, Scuttle is the bird that Ariel goes to with all questions related to human world. Scuttle is a masterful con-artist, lying through his beak and coming up the some of the best names and uses for things that have boring names and uses. Who could forget the “dinglehopper” (Don’t act like you never tried to comb your hair with a fork). I only wished that he had more screen time so he could have dazzled us with more interesting uses for everyday objects. Hey I could have helped! Try this Demasculinater (Hawaiian shirt) it turns you into Magnum PI! Okay I guess I should not quit my day job and leave the theatrics and horrible singing to Scuttle.