Last night was the debut in what I have come to terms with is the trashiest yet addictive show on network TV. Yes that is right, The Bachelor. You must be thinking, wow Hallie, that is really fuckin’ sad, but ya know what? It is totes not, especially when you watch it with four of your other wine guzzling friends and the comments start flying at the sad sack female contenders faster than rotten cabbage at Andrew Dice Clay. While I am fully aware that we are perpetuating the female stereotype of “girls hatin’ on other girls,” the comments that we make are well deserved as the contestants are all (well except for a few) horrible examples of female empowerment, sanity, reasoning etc. and frankly nothing makes you feel better than realizing and vocalizing that you are glad you are the farthest thing from “hammerhead shark girl” or “SJP (Sarah Jessica Parker) wannabe” of that “fuckin’ lunatic with the tropical throw up dress.”
Last night, as me and my female cohorts gawked at the bevy of single ladies vying for the affection of “Ben F.” I could not help but be saddened by the realization that there appears to be ladies blogging (one of the contestants on the Bachelor) out there in an attempt to live or inhabit the ol’ “Sex and the City” lifestyle, freelance writing about all their dating triumphs and tribulations and for the most part probably just sounding really whiney, over analyzing everything and in general ignoring brevity in an attempt to help understand men, when really it comes down to three simple things and we can ignore SJP blog impersonators all together:
1)
Men are obsessed with 2 things: Their dick and their youth. They will stop at nothing to fulfill the biding of their trouser snake and their unreasonable quest to stop the aging process whether that be through buying convertibles, taking drugs to make sure their trouser snake works or dumping their sig others to pursue physical activities which will never be as satisfying as having a sig other.
2)
If a man attempts to share his real feelings or communicate effectively, his dick will explode, and because a man is loyal to only his dick, he will never share his feelings.
3)
Commitment is like whiskey, it kills his boner, therefore he will never commit.
Ta da! And there you have it ladies…so stop trying to be like Carrie Bradshaw and go watch some Hot Messes on The Bachelor, Mondays on ABC @ 8pm.
No comments:
Post a Comment