Hallie Not Fooled By “Dreamy” Romney Boys

Its election year and with it comes a barrage of distasteful campaign commercials. But what has truly come as a shock to many is what Republican candidate hopeful Mitt Romney has done is order to sway the American people his way. I sat down with Mitt Romney to discuss his upcoming campaign strategy.

Me( In the style of James Lipton) : Mr. Romney, first there were the “The Hardy Boys”, the “The Backstreet Boys”, “The Boyz in the Hood”, now we have the “The Romney Boys.”

MR:  Yes, I am very proud of my children and the attention that their wholesome looks have added to my chances of winning the presidency.

Me: Your eldest, Tagg is it?

MR: Yes.

Me:  Yes and what the fuck exactly were you thinking when you named him? Tagg is quite an awful name.

MR: It was the nickname of Joseph Smith, the founder of my religion.

Me: Yes, I see…and where did you get this information from?

MR:  I read it…in a book that is in a language only us Romneys’ can understand.

Me: And your other son, Craig...did your wife ever have an affair? Big fan of those Persian night clubs?

MR: Not that I know of.

Me: yes a women’s vagina carries many secrets, perhaps one day we will unlock the mystery of how Craig looks nothing like you.

MR: Now see here I think-

Me: Lets talk about your new campaign commercial starring your sons.

MR: Okay.

Me: I see a great deal of inspiration from Top Gun.

MR: yes, I’m a big fan of that volleyball scene and thought, why not have my sons reenact that? Really get those less than active single ladies of the Midwest to fall in love with politics, I want the excitement of the volleyball court to be a metaphor for the excitement of a new America with Mitt Romney as President!

Me:  Are you aware of the theories that that scene is brimming over with homoerotic undertones?

MR: I just want the people of America to fall in love with the Romneys.

Me: Really? ALL the people? Even “the gays?”

MR: Well everyone except them.

Me:  I read in another article that you describe your sons as the following:  Tagg is the “smart one,” Matt is the “cool one,” Josh is the “dreamy one” and Craig is the “funny one.”

MR: Yes, I also plan to have dolls of them coming out in late Summer, you know to really capitalize on the Twihard voters.

Me: Some might call this shameful peddling of your family to win votes as desperate, a way to draw attention away from your less than admirable features, like the whole Mormon thing, or the whole “anti-abortion” thing.

MR: I try to ignore those stories, really focus on making my boys the focus rather than my political agenda.

Me: Well good luck Mr. Romney.

MR: Thank you, and please enjoy this complimentary copy of Tiger Beat with Josh on the cover in only a polo shirt and non-pleated slacks!