January blows. It’s all dark and gloomy n’ shit, everyone feels all fat and bloated from eating and drinking themselves stupid for the most part of November and December and as if Christmas decorations were not bad enough, Valentine’s Day chocolate starts popping up everywhere you turn. Below are three things one should attempt/czek out to make January a little less sucky.
1) Go see The Artist. Obviously if you are one of those whiny people that don’t like to “read” during movies, or bitch about “old black and white” then stop reading and go re-watch Judge Dread or Big Momma’s House or some other awful uncultured shit. The Artist is both an homage to silent films and the genre itself. French actor Jean Dujardin (Of OSS 117: Think the French’s equivalent to Maxwell Smart but crasser) shines as a popular silent film actor, in the style of Douglas Fairbanks, too full of pride to make the transition into talkies. His uses his facial features and body movement brilliantly to capture the sometimes hammyness of swashbuckling adventure films of the 20’s, but also the desperateness of a man plagued by failure. He is perfect. On Charlie Rose last night he was asked if he would consider coming over to the Hollywood side of things like some other French actors have. Unfortunately, Dujardin struggles with English and will probably remain a purely French treasure for some time. Go see the artist to feel nostalgic, to feel all warm and fuzzy inside, to truly appreciate what entertainment was like for generations before us.
2) Go to some divey ass bowling alleys. What the 80’s did for Wall Street business dudes the 70’s did for bowling Alleys. I feel like any time I walk into a bowling alley it’s like walking into 1975 (except for Grand Central Bowl, which is like walking into an overpriced German discotheque). Bowling alleys are comforting, they make cool echo sounds and the characters walking around the place are trinkets of short story gold. This past weekend I discovered the “interesting” charm of Milwaukie Bowl. I think my favorite part aside from the candy cane colored seats was that you got your beer from the same guy that gives you your shows. The taps are just right there. Instead of a lounge there is a Game Room which makes sense since this place is apparently the only cool place to go on a Friday night when you are under 21. It was small and all of the families emptied out around 9 leaving my party of hooligans to curse a little bit more loudly and watch you tube videos of crazy people pooping in public places (caught on tape!). The whole experience was relatively cheap mostly because I think the bored looking young man behind the counter was probably too busy texting. So if you ever happen to be in that area, check it out cause you can probably do worst (cough* Interstate Bowl cough*).
3)Write a letter. I know I probably sound like your Grandma right now but through writing some letters in the past few weeks I have come to realize that you end up saying some things that are truly from the depths of your mind and that are awesome. It’s a great way to keep your mind sharp, plus it is fun to feel nostalgic for those days of passing notes in High School. Draw some doodles in the corner too, or instead of writing out what happened to you or how you are feeling, draw a cartoon of it. Even if it is only stick men, things are always funnier with stick men.
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