What Do You Mean Hot Dogs Are Gross?

If any of you watch 30 Rock you might be familiar with an episode where Liz Lemon publishes a book called “Deal Breakers,” a book explaining all of the things a potential mate should NOT be when expecting to shack up with a special lady. In the case of Liz Lemon, her deal breakers were on the eccentric side. After talking with the ladies in my life I have decided to dedicate a blog to some “Deal Breakers” all you swinging single men (or maybe not)  need to take a few hints on. Don’t worry it’s a short list…


(DISCLAIMER: This is seriously a collective and may not necessarily be the true feelings of the author…but probably)


1) You have an ID card…not a Drivers License. Can you really not be bothered to learn how to drive? If you can drive and still only have an ID card I will question your DUI history.
2) Coke pinky nail. I don’t care if it’s for guitar picking or nose picking. Long nails on a dude are nasty. Just put the coke on a hookers boob like everyone else.
3) You still think spagettios with chopped up hot dog is an outstanding meal.
4) You don’t know how to chop firewood. Nothing emasculates a man quite like a lack of proper outdoor skills. Axe practice dude.
5) You’re not paying for dinner and here is why you should:


Cost of a Man to be fully groomed and clothed Monthly (average)
• Nice shirt and pair of pants -$50-80
• Haircut -$20
• Package o’ underwear (3 pack)  -$10
• Deoderant/whatever gross cologne you just sprayed $10
• Misc crap (vitamins, hair goop etc.) $ 50 
TOTAL: $160-200 (high end)


Cost of a Woman to be fully groomed and clothed Monthly (average)
• Hair cut and color -$50-150
• Bra that actually works -$30-50
• Nice shirt and pair of pants (that take FOREVER to find) $ 80-120
• Foundation -$10-15
• Power -$10-15
• Mascara and/or eyeshadow -$15-20
• Period shit -$10
• Misc crap (hair products etc.)  $50-100
• Non creepy individual underwear because those prepacked ones are for teens
 (3) $-30 TOTAL :$ $450-500(high end)


*Yes I realize that woman don’t get the essentials every month, this chart is merely to emphasize that if you want us looking foxy sometimes you are going to have to throw down on that hamburger and beer.